12 Elements of Emotional Intelligence By Marcia Sirota

Intellect and emotional intelligence are very different things. The former is the cognitive ability to synthesize and analyze data; to problem-solve and make associations based on available information. 

The latter is a set of innate and learned skills which facilitate relationships and enable a person to negotiate more easily through all areas of life.

Intellect can be measured by standardized IQ tests but there is no actual measure of the “EQ,” or Emotional Quotient. Even without a test, it’s obvious when someone has a high IQ and it’s just as obvious when someone has a high EQ. 

Rather than try to measure it, though, it’s more useful to look at the various elements that go into emotional intelligence.

While the IQ remains stable over a person’s lifetime, the EQ can be developed. Acquiring and practicing the following elements will enable you to boost your EQ.

The first element of emotional intelligence is empathy. The ability to understand what other people are feeling will make you more sensitive and aware and will result in more meaningful relationships. (this is true, but the real boon of empathy vs. sociopathy is reading minds)

The second element is the recognition that your actions have consequences. This understanding will enable you to make conscious choices in your life and to avoid unnecessary difficulties. (like giving you grandfather a heart-attack, so we are talking about the unforeseeable consequences of social relations, not simply physical consequences) 

Third on the list is good judgment. The gift of making well-thought-out decisions and seeing people for who they really are will maximize the possibilities of success in all areas of your life. (this is true, but what we're really talking about is 'good judgement' about other people, not good judgement about the weather, or how long it will take to learn to drive)

Number four is personal responsibility. When you hold yourself unaccountable and don’t blame anyone else for YOUR mistakes or misfortunes, you are empowered to change things for the better. Other people respect you, because you own up to your part in your relationships. (own your mistakes, not others, unless it helps with manipulating them)

The fifth element is insight. The ability to see yourself clearly and to understand your own motivations allows for the possibility of personal growth. Insight into others allows you to have a greater impact in your relationships. (manipulation)

Element number six is mental flexibility. Being able to change your mind or to see things from different points of view makes it possible for you to navigate all sorts of relationships and to succeed where other, more 'rigid thinkers' would fail. (cognitive dissonance gives one moral flexibility)

The seventh element is compassion. Being honest with yourself can be painful but with a kind and gentle attitude, it’s much easier. (I think she's speaking of forgiveness, not just understanding)

This type of compassion facilitates personal transformation (i.e. public humbleness), while compassion toward others supports deeper, more loving connections. (i.e. codependence and loyalty through extortion)

The eighth element is integrity. Following through on commitments and keeping your promises creates much good-will in personal and professional relationships and promotes success in both arenas. (this is true, live to your word or else)

Ninth on the list is impulse control. Thinking before speaking or acting gives you a chance to make deliberate, even sophisticated choices about how you present yourself to others. (seems to contradict honesty and integrity)  Not acting out of primitive impulses, urges or emotions avoids social embarrassment. (perhaps the problem is the society, no one should be  embarrassed) 

The tenth element is the ability to defer gratification (goes with nine). It’s one thing to want something but the ability to put off having it is empowering (the ability to endure frustration, and feign dispassion is a good tactical move) . Mastery of your needs allows you to prioritize around life goals.

Number eleven on the list is perseverance. Sticking with something, especially when it’s challenging, allows you to see it through to completion and demonstrates to others that you are dependable and potentially a high achiever. (dependable? high achiever?)

The twelfth and final element is courage. Emotional courage (as opposed to the physical variety) is the ability to do the right thing, see the truth, open your heart and trust yourself and others enough to be vulnerable, even if all this is frightening. This causes others hold you in high regard. (yea, that's what is important, what other's think about you)

All these elements combine within you to make up your emotional intelligence. With a high EQ, even a simple person is at an advantage in life. Without it, even someone with the most brilliant intellect is at a disadvantage.

© Marcia Sirota 2010 For More about Dr Sirota, 

http://www.ruthlesscompassioninstitute.com/

Having written extensively about healthy relationships, I believe seven simple steps will make it possible for you to have the best possible relationship. These are:

1. There’s no substitute for good communication. Expecting your partner to read your mind and know your needs and feelings without you having to tell them is a recipe for disaster. Assuming that you know what’s in your partner’s head without them telling you is equally problematic. Both people should be clear about what they want, how they feel, and what doesn’t work for them. This is the only way to know if you’re compatible.
2. You can’t change the other person. It’s hard to change, and people won’t do it unless they’re highly motivated. That being said, it takes a lot of time and effort to make significant changes. Assuming that you can get your partner to quickly and permanently alter some fundamental belief or ingrained behavior just because you want them to is setting yourself up for frustration and disappointment.
3. You won’t be happy if you’re not genuine. Trying to be a different person to please your partner will result in resentment toward your partner and dissatisfaction with the relationship. If you put on a false front, you’ll exhaust yourself. If your partner doesn’t know the real you, you’ll never feel truly loved.
4. Tolerating the unacceptable or settling for less doesn’t work. When you continually put up with behavior that upsets you or constantly settle for less than what you need, you’ll be miserable. You’ll never know if your partner is capable of giving you what you want unless you ask for it.
5. A relationship can’t thrive without mutual respect. You can’t take your problems out on each-other. Being together is not an excuse for dumping on one-another. Treating your partner with respect will deepen the trust and the love between you, whereas disrespect will undermine these bonds.
6. When you value yourself, you’re more likely to be valued. You can’t expect to be loved and respected if you don’t love and respect yourself. If you walk around with low self-esteem, you’re far more likely to attract losers who’ll want to exploit or mistreat you. When you’re confident and have good self-worth, you’ll attract happy, successful people who admire you and care about your well-being.
7. A relationship can’t fix your emotional wounds or compensate for childhood losses. Your partner can’t heal you or complete you. You need to deal with the baggage from your past, or forever be doomed to re-enact painful scenes from your childhood and adolescence in your present relationship. Dealing with your past hurts and putting them behind you will free you to have an adult, empowered relationship in which two intact people come together to share their full lives with each-other.

If you follow these seven simple steps, you’ll increase your chances of having the most fulfilling, successful relationship possible.

     

- See more at: http://marciasirotamd.com/about-dr-sirotas-5-areas-of-focus/relationships#sthash.0ujK70v1.dpuf

The Fire Next Time

Copied outright from the American Scholar 
The dangers of revolutionary thinking

By William Deresiewicz

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A new idea seems to be at loose in the land, on the fringes and Facebook, among the young and the disaffected. The system is collapsing—so let it just collapse. There’s nothing we can do about it anyway, and that is probably the best solution after all. The government, the corporations, the fat cats, the vested interests: let them all go smash. We’ll pick up the pieces afterwards and start again.

This is a philosophy (to use the term loosely) that seems uniquely suited to the age. Call it passive revolution. Everything is going to change, and all we need to do is sit back and let it happen. No ideas required, no program or effort. The messianic illusion—of which this, like all visions of revolution, is a form—is a permanent temptation of political life, especially for the young (and we’re all young now). It gave us Obama in 2008, Occupy in 2011. But revolution’s not a game. I wonder, when I hear people talk, with a sort of suppressed schadenfreude, about the coming collapse, whether they have taken the trouble to think, for even a moment, about what they’re suggesting. We’ll pick up the pieces afterwards? What are those “pieces”—the wreck of every system that keeps us fed and safe—going to look like? What makes us think we’ll be the ones who get to pick them up?

Joseph Conrad, who had seen a revolution or two, put it this way:

A violent revolution falls into the hands of narrow-minded fanatics and of tyrannical hypocrites at first. Afterwards comes the turn of all the pretentious intellectual failures of the time … The scrupulous and the just, the noble, humane and devoted natures, the unselfish and the intelligent may begin a movement—but it passes away from them. They are not the leaders of a revolution. They are its victims—the victims of disgust, disenchantment—often of remorse. Hopes grotesquely betrayed, ideals caricatured—that is the definition of revolutionary success.

Liberal democracy, for all of its enormous and inherent flaws, is not a thing to be discarded lightly. The only alternative so far, in modern society, is fascism—and I see lots of fascists at both ends of the political spectrum, lots of would-be commissars and commandants, who would be happy to step into the vacuum. We’ve been here before, between the world wars. Economic crisis, political stalemate: despair at liberal democracy is exactly what they brought on, and fascism, too often, was precisely the result. The hazy dream, the purifying fire: not these again, not these.

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William Deresiewicz is an essayist and critic. His book Excellent Sheep: Thinking for Yourself, Inventing Your Life, and Other Things the Ivy League Won't Teach You, which will be published next year, is based in part on his essays “The Disadvantages of an Elite Education” and “Solitude and Leadership.” To read all the posts from his weekly blog, “All Points,” click here.

You have all the weapons you need. Now Fight!

Sweet Pea: And finally this question, the mystery of who's story it will be. Of who draws the curtain. Who is it that chooses our steps in the dance? Who drives us mad? Lashes us with whips and crowns us with victory when we survive the impossible? Who is it, that does all of these things? Who honors those we love for the very life we live? Who sends monsters to kill us, and at the same time sings that we will never die? Who teaches us what's real and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live and what we'll die to defend? Who chains us? And Who holds the key that can set us free... It's You.

You have all the weapons you need. Now Fight!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0978764/?ref_=ttqt_qt_tt

Forged

Many of you are confused, uneducated, or have lost heart in these astonishing times of hypocrisy and injustice. Even our visionaries lament the end of civilization. Have confidence, my friends, that we are up to the challenge. 

Your analysis of the state of our systems is correct, we see the evidence of elitism and arrogance in the unguarded faces of the broadcast media, and even at the local pub, as the very men who should be protecting the weak and feeding the poor, instead delight in their suffering and seek to rob them until they perish. The spectacle of of injustice is infuriating to those wise enough to see it. Still, I ask for your perseverance. Respectfully, gentlemen, we must not waste your energy in useless complaints. 

Do not lose confidence. You were born to the challenge. Your lives have been spent in training, study, and preparation for the times upon us. It is our time, we must take action.

I see a population of educated citizens, capable of any potential, yet held back from that promise by those who benefit from systems designed to protect their positions. We are worthy of more. There has never been a time more ripe for heroes. You have the talent, the minds, the abilities necessary to use the tools at your disposal, as no generation that came before.

Can you see around you? Do you recognize yourself in your peers? There is a storm brewing, and you will be tested. I guarantee you have the character to endure. You will succeed. The only question is our goal. 

When we are at our worst hour, there is a susceptibility to depression. In the face of the seemingly insurmountable crises in front of us, quitting becomes quite an attractive option. It is likely, that you are dwelling on those things outside your control. Don't be trapped by that distant focus, ours is not the task of fixing the entire world at once, ignore the odds. Don't waste mental energy thinking beyond your means. Simply stretch out your arms to those things within your reach. There is plenty of work close at hand.

You and I are heroes, and our service is in demand. There will be opposition, but there will also be other champions who will applaud and praise us. You will recognize them by their actions. Did you think it would be easy? Does anything worthy of us come without effort? Is there excellence without pain? 

To achieve a great transformation requires not just one superhuman effort, but the amassing of countless small deeds. Nor does it require the agreement of the entire population to achieve justice, but the work of a small number of dedicated citizens, who are committed to the goal. There will be obstacles, endless snags, and unexpected problems, but do not lose heart. We are made of the stuff of dreams, stardust, born in the furnace of conflict. 

In the midst of the chaos, calm yourself, stand-up and express your mind, honestly, communicate your perspective. This is all the courage necessary to change the future. Listen, learn, reach out to those willing to change themselves, and create a future worthy of you all. Your compassion will be seen in your actions, your words, how you spend your time. This will ignite the imagination of others, and together you can illuminate the darkness we travel through. 

Be bold, show no mercy, but open yourself, be vulnerable and humble, tolerant of others mistakes, yet willing to hold them accountable even at great cost of yourself. This is the essence of justice, it is the brave who stand and speak the truth, even when it threatens to dethrone them. Others will recognize your integrity; they will feed on your strength. If you are up to the task, it is one of the most powerful things you can do, to speak truth to power.

At times you may feel defeated, we have all experienced loss and become lost. It is normal, when you can see the potential of this world, to be discouraged and pity one's lot in life. These thoughts are not worthy of you. Leave them at the side of the road, and move forward, do not carry them with you.

In my bones I know, as you do, that there can be no pessimism for those who know the truth. We are the survivors of a thousand generations of war. Our ancestors were warriors, the very kings and their soldiers, masters and slaves of millennia long conflicts that killed the weak and left only the strong. We are quickened, indestructible, weapons honed to a fine edge. How can a tool have doubt? We were forged for a purpose. 

Now we must ask the question, if we are to survive, to prosper, to embrace our collective potential, what is to be our common goal? Is it wealth beyond our needs? Is it power? Greatness? Fame? I think we can do better. I believe in reason, in our ability to change the world, and to create what we imagine. 

We are our only enemy. Division, deception, destruction, these are the tools of evil. In this world of scarcity and injustice, war is no longer sustainable. I imagine a world of abundance, where truth and justice are the highest values. I know it is our potential. I know we have the ability to reach it. You have free-will, It is up to you.

Thomas Schelling

"[Y]ou're standing at the edge of a cliff, chained by the ankle to someone else. You'll be released, and one of you will get a large prize, as soon as the other gives in. How do you persuade the other guy to give in, when the only method at your disposal – threatening to push him off the cliff – would doom you both?"

"Answer: You start dancing, closer and closer to the edge. That way, you don't have to convince him that you would do something totally irrational: plunge him and yourself off the cliff. You just have to convince him that you are prepared to take a higher risk than he is of accidentally falling off the cliff. If you can do that, you win."

The Strategy of Conflict, which Schelling published in 1960

ABSCAM 1977 - FBI investigation and sting of Congress

This is a good time to do what we did before.

http://america.aljazeera.com/articles/2013/11/30/the-real-life-fbistingbehindamericanhustle.html

Money plays a much bigger and more important role in Congress than in those days. It's become so egregiously escalated since Abscam that we are ripe for another scandal.

Craig Holman

government-affairs lobbyist for Public Citizen

This wasn't the way the government was supposed to work. I didn't realize it was this bad. Sometimes when you catch a murderer, for example, you are elated. This was different. I wished it wasn’t happening. There were tears in the room

Francis 'Bud' Mullen

former FBI assisant director

Genetic Complexity = Writing Idea

A new study led by scientists at The Scripps Research Institute suggests that the replication process for DNA -- the genetic instructions for living organisms that is composed of four bases (C, G, A and T) -- is more open to unnatural letters than had previously been thought. An expanded "DNA alphabet" could carry more information than natural DNA, potentially coding for a much wider range of molecules and enabling a variety of powerful applications, from precise molecular probes and nanomachines to useful new life forms.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/06/120603191722.htm

Teleforce

Tesla's claim (bluff) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teleforce
(writing idea)

Seven Styles of Overtone Singing (Tuvan Throat Singing)

Tuvan Throat Singing